(I decided, through tears, to part from the man I loved because of opposition to our marriage. After a period of deep suffering, I would like to share how I finally took the next step forward.)
I have come to realize again and again that the Lord’s plans are far beyond human understanding. The vague plan I had for my life was to get married at twenty-six, have about three children, and become a full-time homemaker. Living with the person I loved was my life’s goal. So when my marriage fell through at what people call the “right age,” I completely lost my sense of direction. I lost the man I loved, and at the same time, I lost sight of the path I was supposed to walk.
Looking back now, I see that I was not truly living my own life. I should have been the main character of my life, yet I was living only as a supporting character in someone else’s story. At that time, I was deeply dependent on him and emotionally reliant, and I was unable to stand on my own feet.
At my very first company, I was greatly blessed with both the work itself and the relationships there. While other female employees were serving tea or making copies, I was entrusted with all of the import-related work. I was busy, but my days were fulfilling. Perhaps because I was young, I was treated with much affection. My job often required me to visit the Ministry of International Trade and Industry and its regional office. There were officials whose attitudes would change with the weather, yet for some reason, they were always kind to me—some even gave me candy. When there were minor mistakes in my paperwork, I would look up with wide, sparkling “shojo-manga” eyes and say, “Oh no… what should I do?” and they would reply, “It’s fine, it’s fine,” and accept the documents anyway.
After losing the person into whom I had poured all my energy, I didn’t know where to direct that passion. If I weren’t wholeheartedly absorbed in something, I couldn’t fill the aching emptiness inside me. So, in addition to English, which I already loved, I began studying German and French at the same time. I enrolled in six or seven NHK language programs and studied desperately. I had no particular goal. Simply concentrating on something helped me forget my sorrow, even if only temporarily. It satisfied me both mentally and intellectually.
However, as the programs that began in April grew more difficult around October, I first gave up French, and not long after, I gave up German as well. Interestingly, studying other languages made English feel even closer and more familiar to me.
Before long, I began to think that I wanted to attend a school where I could study English at a higher level. Around that time, I learned about a training school for simultaneous interpreters. They had just created a course below the full simultaneous interpretation program for students at about my level. Without hesitation, I took the entrance examination. The written test and interview were so difficult that I was shocked and humiliated—I even cried. Yet I passed, and from April I began studying current affairs English and other advanced subjects.
At the same time, my company reorganized in April. The work became subdivided and less meaningful, but because I no longer had to work overtime, I was able to make studying my main focus. My salary was low, so I couldn’t save any money, and I spent all my bonuses on tuition. But I was simply overjoyed to be able to study.
There, I met classmates who stimulated me intellectually, and I even had opportunities to attend parties where I met people who were active on the global stage. I attended that school for a little over two years. I studied wholeheartedly, and it became a truly valuable experience in my life.
Eventually, although I loved the people at my company, I began to feel that I could no longer endure doing unchallenging work indefinitely. I wanted to make better use of my abilities, and for the first time, I began to think about changing jobs.
I assumed my pastor would oppose the idea of changing jobs. I stood in front of the telephone for more than twenty minutes, thinking it over, my heart pounding, before finally calling him.
“Pastor, my work is slow… What should I do?” I began nervously.
To my surprise, he replied, “You should change.”
I was so happy I could have jumped for joy.
I, who had once expected to become a full-time homemaker, ended up becoming a career-oriented professional for a season of my life.
------ to be continued -----
にほんブログ村
にほんブログ村
多言語学習ランキング
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